Discussion:
J. Craptology
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Nigel Smart
2006-06-27 16:21:48 UTC
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Hi Folks,

A few of us have decided to relaunch Journal of Craptology, as we feel there
is a need for more humour in the community.

Anyway the new issue is available from the new home...

http://www.anagram.com/~jcrap/

We really really want to get some more submissions, so please send us any
funny/crap papers you have related to cryptology.

Cheers

Nigel
amzoti
2006-07-04 15:20:34 UTC
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Post by Nigel Smart
Hi Folks,
A few of us have decided to relaunch Journal of Craptology, as we feel there
is a need for more humour in the community.
Anyway the new issue is available from the new home...
http://www.anagram.com/~jcrap/
We really really want to get some more submissions, so please send us any
funny/crap papers you have related to cryptology.
Cheers
Nigel
Hello Sirs,

I was wondering if 'surrogoat factoring' is an appropriate topic for
you most esteemed Journal of Craptology.

Obviously, the author of this amazing factoring technique has claimed
that the factoring problem is easy and is probably already exploring
ways of defeating elliptic curve crypto by solving ECDLP.

If this journal is willing - I woud be willing to place a persoanl
message to said author and ask that he submit all materials to the
journal.

Sincerely,

Concerned Citizen and Craptology Advocate
vedaal
2006-07-04 18:40:06 UTC
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Raw Message
Post by Nigel Smart
Hi Folks,
A few of us have decided to relaunch Journal of Craptology, as we feel there
is a need for more humour in the community.
Anyway the new issue is available from the new home...
http://www.anagram.com/~jcrap/
We really really want to get some more submissions, so please send us any
funny/crap papers you have related to cryptology.
very well.

where should the abstract/paper be submitted?

i have a paper about a devastating and hitherto overlooked attack
vector,
_the Clairvoyancy attack_ .

(there is, as yet, no known defense,

-- as gathered from the first meeting of the Clairvoyant Cryptanalysts
Guild,
[unpublished data, personal communication] )


in brief:

those who can 'see' Truth, with the clarity of the Inner Eye,
can easily see the plaintext behind its ciphertext concealment,

the problem until now has been,
that this is not satisfactorily provable to non-Clairvoyants,
who suggest, (not without some justification),
that the plaintexts of intercepted unknown ciphertexts
could have been _fabricated_ (sic) (gasp)
(although it is well accepted that such fabrications are just
simply not done in scholarly academic environments ...)

in order to demonstrate this attack to non-Clairvoyants,
the Clairvoyant attack researchers have accepted the challenge
to release the session key of the ciphertext, as well as the plaintext,
so that it is provable and reproduceable to all


method:

assuming a test ciphertext of a 256 bit symmetric cipher
with a 64 character hexadecimal session key,

the Clairvoyant begins with the first character,
and asks with the Inner Eye,

"is this first character of the session key for this ciphertext, a ' 0
' ?"

if yes,
records it, and proceeds to the next character,

if not,
then uses the Clairvoyancy Algorithm
and turns the Seeing Eye to the same question with a ' 1'
(and so on , from ' 0 ' through ' F' )

as this can be done independently for each character in succession,
through the well-known clairvoyant Oracle method,

then the
' Brute-Force Clairvoyancy Attack ' (copyleft, GPL )
requires only 16 x 64 attempts,
which is quite feasible in real-time,
even for the slowest Seer.


results to be publicized and demonstrated at the Conference itself ...

n.b.
The Clairvoyants have Seen that to publicize such plaintexts without
consent,
invokes Curses of Great Wrath from the Keepers of Secrets,

and have assured the cryptographic community
that the Clairvoyancy Code of Professional Ethics
precludes them from turning the Inner Eye to gaze where it is not
welcome
(save at dire need ...)

so there is no 'real' threat at this time ...


vedaal

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